You Know You Have a Chronic Illness When...

So many scenarios arise where I think “You know you have a chronic illness when this happens”. I decided to compile a list of some of the most common situations I associate with being chronically ill that I feel other people may relate to.

You know you have a chronic illness when…

• your medical equipment/supplies are decorated for the holidays
• you’re on a first name basis with many of the medical staff, including: paramedics, nurses, doctors, receptionists in the hospital, cafeteria workers, people who work in the gift shops, pharmacy workers etc.
• when you go to A&E/the ER you no longer need to say your name at reception anymore, as soon as you walk up they recognise you and clock you in
• you have a “just in case” bag pack, just in case you spontaneously land up in the hospital
• when you find empty tablet strips/bottles EVERYWHERE
• whenever someone sees an ambulance going in the direction of your home they question whether it’s for you
• you are on so much medication that you’ve questioned starting your own pharmacy
• you cannot travel light because you have to carry so much with you
• you’ve peed in a cup so many times that you could do it with the lights off/your eyes shut and not spill a single drop
• your pharmacy doesn’t need to ask for your: name, date of birth and address anymore, they instead ask how you’re getting on
• you can pronounce and spell very complicated medical terms/medication names that even some of the medical staff struggle with
• you can give medical staff advice on the best places to get blood from you/insert an IV line
• someone contacts you they ask if you’ve been in hospital recently
• you watch medical dramas and you can tell if the medical terms are being used incorrectly or the procedures performed wrongly
• you know the price of things such as: x-ray’s, MRI scans, CT scans, blood tests, a bag of fluid etc.
• you leave your house you always ensure you’ve got your emergency medication/medical kit with you alongside everything else
• you have to pass up the chance of having really cute, small handbags because you know they just won’t be big enough to keep all your medical supplies in
• you have to arrange your bedroom with the consideration that paramedics may require entry into it at some point
• you try to keep your house constantly in the way you’d like to present it to people in case medical staff have to spontaneously come over
• paramedics are called out to you and you’ve not had an ambulance callout in a while and they say to you “Oh we’ve not seen you in a while!”
• you name all of your medical equipment/supplies
• you always consider in the back of your mind, when you go out, where the nearest hospital is, how you’ll get to the hospital if need be and who will help you get there

13 Things You Hear a Lot of as Someone Who's Chronically Ill

When you're living with a chronic health problem you get used to other people finding your life very abnormal. Often people make comments on just how different aspects of your life are compared to what is considered the "norm" and you become accustomed to it. Throughout my years of being diagnosed with chronic illness, I myself have faced a variety of different comments from a variety of sources however, I have found, that often there are many similarities to the comments and there can be quite a bit in common. 


"You're on a lot of medication for someone so young" - this is something I do hear A LOT as I am on various tablets and inhaled medications and people tend to think it's a little bit eccentric. You often find yourself having to add another medication to the seemingly ever-growing list to deal with the side effects caused through another medication that is vital to you. 

"I've never heard of that before, are you sure it's real?" - yes, I completely came up

with a list of symptoms and a complex medical name in my "free time" because I was bored. 

"I've only got a cold, why can't we meet up?" - what people seem to forget is their simple cold, or their virus which causes minimal symptoms, can be life-threatening to someone with a chronic illness and completely impact their body's normal functioning, it can put a person totally off balance for a longer period of time and result in much more than a few simple symptoms which barely impact them to being very bothersome. 

"I've heard of that before! My sister's, brother's grandad's, cousin's, uncle has that!" - you suddenly find that everyone seems to know of someone with your medical condition whether it be a very rare condition that few people have. Another thing I've found is that everyone seems to become the expert on the condition because they know of someone with the condition, even if they know nothing about the condition. 

"Don't you think that losing/gaining weight would help?" - I've found that everyone

seems to bring weight into things, almost suggesting that my weight could be the underlying reason the health reason exists, even if it's been proven that being underweight/overweight has absolutely no connection to your symptoms. 

"You should become more active, it'll be beneficial" - everyone seems to believe they're the expert in medical conditions nowadays. People seem to believe that by moving about it'll reduce/eliminate symptoms and improve your outlook. The thing that people don't seem to take into account is many people with chronic health problems struggle with issues being active and issues getting out and about, people don't seem to take into consideration that most people with chronic illness would much rather be out and about, exercising instead of staying in. 

"Are you at home or are you at the hospital just now?" - as a patient who's spent a great deal of time in the last few years in and out of hospital I've found that sometimes people will question whether you're admitted to the hospital when they speak to you as it's a somewhat regular occurrence. 

"Are you sure you're well enough to do that?" - I've found that sometimes when people

know you have a chronic health problem they, often unknowingly, begin to treat you somewhat "fragile", that you're just spontaneously going to combust, or break. They feel the need to almost discourage you from doing things and ask whether or not you need help with something or you need someone else to do something for you. 

"Your health can't be THAT bad" - sometimes people think those with chronic health issues play on their health problems and almost exaggerate their symptoms and what is wrong with them. They feel certain that it possibly cannot be as bad as it's being made out to be. 

"My *insert relation* has that and it's really not that bad, you're just being dramatic" - people seem to forget that symptoms vary person to person and even when two people are diagnosed with the same condition their experience of that condition WILL NOT be the same. I always use the analogy of "someone can lose a finger and have a worse experience than someone who's lost their entire hand". 

"You must LOVE getting all the good drugs" - people seem to be under the illusion that

patients who are given medications, particularly things like opiate-based drugs, enjoy getting the drug

because it will get them "high", the reality is so much different. In most situations you will be taking a medication to counteract a particular symptom you are experiencing, so for example you will take morphine when you're in pain, most of the time you will just be happy that you're no longer experiencing the symptom you were before taking the medication to actually sit and register "Oh I'm getting high off the drugs!". Not to mention that often these drugs come with side effects after taking them which whilst can take away the initial symptom you were experiencing can result in you feeling another symptom (i.e. you can feel nauseous after having an opiate-based drug).

"How do you possibly cope with all of that?" - this is a difficult question to answer, the reality is you just do, there's not really another option. You wake up some days, or even each day, and you don't want to cope with it, you don't want to deal with it, but most of the time there is no "off" switch, there is no way of being rid of the symptom/s for an hour or two, you find ways of coping and dealing with what you're going through and that's how you cope with it. 

"Have you tried X natural remedy?" - people come up with all sorts of new and fantastic ways to rid you of your chronic health issues. They seem to think this is a magical solution for every chronic illness out there and it will eliminate everything you're going through. On top of that they think that your care providers are hiding this magical solution from you and not telling you about it. Typically these magical solutions tend to come at a cost to you and definitely have no guarantee of working however certain people seem dead certain it'll cure absolutely everyone and everything!

An Open Letter to the People Who Have Accused Me of Lying About My Illness

I want to put this blog out as an "open letter" to anyone who has ever accused someone of lying about having an illness. I myself have been judged, countless times, both online and in real life, and the thing is it's hard enough when people who don't understand what it's like accuse you and judge you but when other people who have chronic illness as their real
ity judge you, that's a whole different story. So here is my open letter.

To the people who accused me of lying about my chronic illnesses,
                                                                                                           You have no idea what you have done, you have no idea how you have made me feel. My chronic illnesses are something which make me feel horribly insecure and you have picked apart my insecurities and picked on my weaknesses.

Why must you do it?
What gives you the right to say I am faking what is wrong with me?

We're all different, every single person is different, our bodies function in different ways and our bodies work in different ways, even if you take 2 people with chronic illnesses, even 2 people with the exact same illness, those 2 people are not going to experience things exactly the same way, what we experience is unique to us and for you to say I am faking what is wrong with me because my story and/or symptoms don't correlate with someone else's or because my story doesn't "add up", what gives you the right?

What did you believe you were going to achieve by putting me down and embarrassing me in front of
everybody?
Did you think it made you the "bigger person"?
Did you think it would make you "more liked" by everyone else?
Did you think it would be fun to call me names and rip me apart?

You know what I did when I found out you believed that I was lying? I broke down, I burst into tears and I broke down because I am already insecure as it is and you went and insisted on making that a great deal more difficult to deal with.

My battle with chronic illness is not something I'm "ashamed" of and that is why I talk about it to the extent I do. I talk about my journey so that other people maybe don't feel as alone in fighting their own battle if they know someone else is going through similar/some of the same things as they are, I don't talk about it to gain

"negative attention and/or feedback" from other people, I don't talk about to gain sympathy from other people who hear of my journey. Everybody has different ways of coping with things and one of my ways is talking about things, that is what helps me get through difficult times so well, as the old saying goes "a problem shared is a problem halved". Yes I know I post a lot about my battle with chronic illnesses and yes I know I put my life out on the internet but that does not give you the right to pick at me, to call me names, and to make me feel tiny and small.

The thing is it wasn't even just one snarky remark I could have maybe have laughed away as someone not understanding you proceeded to pick apart every single piece of my story and continually let me know where things didn't "add up", you made me paranoid that horrific things had happened i.e. someone had spoken with my medical team or someone had even had access to my medical records, I believe this was just a personal vendetta against me in attempt to make me feel like I constantly had to look over my shoulder, I believe you wanted me to now spend my life living in fear, however, to this day, a the thought that you could be

speaking the truth niggles away at me and leaves me feeling scared and paranoid.

Even now, I do get scared, I feel fear posting things online that someone may start attacking me for no reason, I get scared when people send me any sort of questions now as I feel they're asking me things in an attempt to "catch me out", that someone is going to judge me, or someone's going to accuse me of lying, or just to get information about me to use against me.

I think one of the issues is most people that spend their time making such accusations against other people, they don't have any sort of idea what it feels like to have your own health conditions and journey used against you in such a harsh and horrific way. I think the only way you can come close to understanding what it's like to be accused of lying about something that you spend nearly every waking moment wishing was a lie.

I'd love to be healthy, I'd love to have not missed out on so many different things in life as a result of my health issues and I'd absolutely love to not have had to have given up countless things as a the result of my health. I hope by raising awareness of what it's like to go through being accused of lying about ill health can help bring to light how difficult such things can be for a person fighting a battle and also to show it's really not alright to go out and accuse people.

I have health problems but they are not me (a poem)

I always thought I’d be that girl,

The girl who grew up to achieve all wonders of the world, 

I planned my future in depth,

An engagement, a wedding, a great job and maybe even kids one day.

As I sat there at 15 years old, staring out at the hustle and bustle of A&E I began to doubt myself,

If I knew back then what I know now, I often wonder how much it could have changed things.

As time progressed things only turned from bad to worse.

My life became revolved around a monster eating away at my soul and my very being.

                                                                                         

First it was the brittle asthma, the asthma which left me struggling for breath with a complete fear and panic of the impending doom still to come.

Soon multiple allergies and anaphylaxis were thrown into the mix where I was once again faced with the real reality I could die,

Intensive care stay after Intensive care stay occurred,

I began feeling terrorised by the various conditions which plagued me.

School was hard, I wanted to do well, really I did,

I knuckled down as best as I could whilst fighting a series of life-changing chronic illnesses and continued to strive high.

My overall ambition was to get to University, I faced setback after setback, I faced negative comments essentially instructing me to just give up.

My life had changed dramatically within the flip of a coin,

No longer was I the care free teenager with only homework to worry about,

Instead of learning valuable life lessons I was learning what things like “arterial blood gases” and “tachycardia” are,

My life began to revolve around a place I should have never been able to define as “my second home” the various wards of the hospital where I fought constant battles to stay as okay as can be.

By 2012 I was hit by a blow back,

I made the decision to re-do my final year at school, 

After school passed by I went to summer school,

On receiving my exam results I felt horrendously sick,

This one envelope is about to dictate my entire future,

1 B and 2 C’s, not meeting my conditional offer of 4 B’s,

However, I then learned I’d been accepted based on my summer school report,

Ecstatic didn’t even come close to describing that day.

On starting University things seemed to be looking up,

Sadly, the course of chronic illness never does run smooth,

I began suffering seizure after seizure, baffling doctors as to why it was occurring,

Within a few years I had my diagnoses,

Non-Epileptic seizures/Functional Neurological Disorder,

My seizures stole my ability to start taking driving lessons again,

They chased away my independence,

They lost me experiences and relationships

In all honestly, I felt like I’d lost it all.

I went on to repeat my 1^st year at University,

My hopes remained high this was fixable,

I still wanted to do well,

My body however, caused me a series of problems.

By March 2015 I’d began to fight a new issue,

Inability to keep any sort of food or fluids down,

Doctor after doctor said:

“It’s just a bug”

“It’s something you’ve eaten”,

These assumptions were far from the reality,

My first feeding tube in April 2015 displayed just how hard things were going.

May 2015 was the month I medically withdrew from University,

Breaking my heart in the process,

So many unknowns began circulating my mind involving:

“What now?”

“Why me?”

So much I couldn’t understand or comprehend.

I came across The Open University,

A flexible, distance-learning University which offers part-time courses,

Maybe this meant my dreams and hopes for the future did not have to disappear,

I jumped at the chance and enrolled onto a course I’ve learned to love and appreciate,

I’m thankful for my second chance.

I continued to live with a feeding tube, 

My doctors remained optimistic this would pass,

They believed that as it started out of nowhere it would stop out of nowhere,

2 trial periods of 10 weeks each without a feeding tube brought about no improvement or answers, only worsening symptoms,

3 years passed and still all felt hopeless,

Feeding tube after feeding tube,

I cannot begin to describe the mental and physical pain that comes alongside it all.

A diagnosis I was finally given,

“You’ve got functional/psychosomatic vomiting” they said,

I was clueless and the internet held no clues,

I feel deep into struggling mentally uncertain of what my future would hold,

My condition is where my body registers food and drink I consume orally as harmful,

Almost like if you ate something incorrectly cooked and end up ill,

However, the difference between that and my new reality is,

My body is not under any “threat” as my mind attempts to protect myself from what it sees as something that shouldn’t be here.

It’s now August 2018,

So much has happened in the space of nearly 10 years,

I’ve faced countless terrifying situations, dealt with great deals of uncertainty,

I’ve struggled with demons, both mental and physical, I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

What keeps me strong through all of this is my support network,

My fantastic boyfriend who never walks away even during hard periods,

My best friends who see me for more than the illnesses I live with,

My family who visit me in the hospital in an attempt to make me smile.

I find it difficult to comprehend almost all of the time, 

I live a life with so many unknowns, feeling so unsure about most situations,

I struggle to plan ahead, unsure what will happen tomorrow let alone next month,

However, I keep going, I keep fighting, I never give up no matter how difficult I feel things are,

I will not let chronic illnesses and mental health problems destroy the person I am,

I am much more than a series of symptoms, a list of conditions,

I love Harry Potter, stars and butterflies make me smile, I feel intrigued by medicine, it’s been a lifelong passion for me.

Many people ask, “well how do you do it?”,

Many people question how one can remain so strong through such adversity,

The truth is you just have to keep going,

You wake up some days and just never want to get out of bed,

You struggle to sleep at nights, leaving you mentally and physically even more exhausted,

Yet you never give up, you never let this win,

I am a fighter, I am a warrior, however, I’ve spent much of the past 10 years, nearly, living in the shadows of my adversity,

I’d get down, I’d think too much and I’d constantly just want it to be over,

Now I see things in a different light,

I see a future, I hold out hope for improvements,

Most importantly though,

I treat each day as a new beginning,

Today may be awful, maybe it feels like the worst day of your life thus far,

However, the “awful” today does not have to dictate how your tomorrow may be.

When living with illness one may concentrate on “I CAN’T do that” “My body and/or mind prohibits me from doing that”,

I used to think that way too, concentrate on the negatives of the situation, never understanding how there could be any ray of light in such a horrible situation, 

Now I would say I view things in a different sense,

I concentrate on the things I CAN do,

I make adjustments and find ways to explore things I’d love to do,

Sometimes illness stands in the way,

Sometimes you may not be able to achieve all you want,

However, that’s okay,

Life is a challenge, not just for those ill but for those seemingly “un-phased” and “normal” people you are often exposed to in your day to day living,

We all face demons of some sort,

We all face challenges,

We all feel fear and terror,

However, it’s about how you deal with all of these emotions and experiences that shows the type of person you really are.